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domestic violence wheel with words of abuses

Here are some links on Domestic Violence for you to follow. I list them in focus groups: There are clearly too many to list. But these are what I considered to be the best.

1-800-799-SAFE

For ALL:

  • http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis.html
    This page has every state, and the numbers available in your location to phone about Domestic Violence. IF you do not get a suitably trained response...in plain English....if they didn't help you....CALL BACK. Or call another number in that list, or phone the national hotline. And if you get a non-useful interaction...CALL BACK UNTIL YOU GET HELP! Because help is what you need and deserve, no matter what anyone says.

  • http://www.healthfinder.gov/text/docs/Doc0385.htm
    "This hotline offers crisis intervention assistance to those in need. The voice number is 1-800-799-SAFE, and the TDD number for the hearing impaired is 1-800-787-3224. Help is available to callers in Spanish and to other non-English speakers and the hearing impaired." [from website]

  • http://www.tamoore.com/love/suggest.htm
    "Don't just stand there DO something-good for concerned individuals" [from website]

  • http://www.jcso.org/divisions/domestic_violence.htm
    "As a victim of Domestic Violence it may be hard for some to make that decision to leave. Some may not have family nearby to turn to for support or some may have been isolated from their families because of the abuse. Some just may not want to get their families involved. Through the "'TARGET' NO MORE" Domestic Violence Task Force we have organized this pamphlet to let you know what resources are available to you." [from website]

    It is not unusual to be afraid to leave an abusive partner especially if children are involved. We hope that with these resources and knowing that there is a Task Force who is willing to support victims of Domestic Violence, that you will have the strength to follow through and be on the path to create a better life for you and your children.[from webpage]

  • http://www.usda.gov/da/shmd/aware.htm
    Domestic Violence Awareness Workbook Online (via USDA, government, incredible resource)

For HER:

  • http://www.ofoinc.org/CI_dom_vio.htm Definition of DV on left side, quiz on right, recognizes the victim not being able to be certain, gives her support, Excellent!! Go!

  • http://www.dviworld.org/ This is the Domestic Violence Institute by Dr Lenore Walker, one of the FIRST EVER to write on this auspicious, insideous and omnipresent subject. [from website] Go to: Battered Woman's Questionairre
    Go To: Lethality
    ARE YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE IN DANGER OF BEING SERIOUSLY INJURED OR KILLED?
    Psychological Abuse Test
    WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED IN THIS RELATIONSHIP?
    Go To: Physical Abuse Questionaire
    Go To: Physical Injury Scale
    HAVE YOU BEEN PHYSICALLY INJURED BY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
    The following are typical injuries that have resulted from physical violence in relationships where there is domestic violence. Check off those injuries that you have received during this relationship.
    Go To: Sexual Abuse Questionnaire
    ARE YOU BEING STALKED? [from website]

  • http://www.Nashville.Net/~police/abuse/
    many good resources here, probably one of the best online for concerned persons, parents, dads who are concerned (probably the best on the male perspective and influence on DV)

  • http://www.Nashville.Net/~police/abuse/separation.htm
    excellent resources on the dangers AFTER separation, the man seeing it as the "ultimate betrayal" when she leaves
    --the only place I have found study references and resources online! cites actual studies

  • http://www.Nashville.Net/~police/abuse/similarities.htm
    Batterer Traits
    1. initial surprise
    2. unpredictability of acute battering incidents
    3. overwhelming jealousy
    4. unusual sexuality
    5. lucid recall of the details of acute battering incidents
    6. concealment
    7. drinking
    8. extreme psychological abuse
    9. family threats
    10. extraordinary terror through the use of guns and knives
    11. omnipotence
    12. awareness of death potential [from website]
    If you suspect abuse in a family that you are working with, feel free to call the Domestic Violence Section Nashville Only (880-3000) for assistance in dealing with this difficult issue.
    Source: Walker, Lenore, The Battered Woman (1979) [from website]

  • http://www.Nashville.Net/~police/abuse/characteristics.htm
    Common Characteristics of the Batterer

  • http://www.ncpc.org/1safe2dc.htm
    [from website]
    As many as four million women in this country suffer some kind of violence at the hands of their husbands or boyfriends each year. Very few will tell anyone - a friend, a relative, a neighbor, or the police.
    ---Are You Abused?

    Does the Person You Love... [from website]

  • http://www.estronaut.com/a/recognizing_potential_batterer.htm
    [from website]
    A batterer may display any of these symptoms. However, these are warning signs and you should use judgment before making any sort of accusations or decisions. [from website]

  • http://pweb.netcom.com/~arrowblu/abuse.html
    [from website]
    Signs your partner may be abusive
    1. Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde
    up through 16 things one could observe
    One is too much too soon: Hardly knows you, must have you, instant commitment, Intense jealously, isolation
    Later on Page
    abusive people have problems with handling anger. They try to control their environment with aggressive behavior, not assertive behavior. [from website]

    Aggressive behavior is characterized by:
    Asserting his or her own rights at the expense of others.
    Engages in inappropriate outbursts or badly overreacts. Intent is to humiliate or to get even, to put down others..... [from website]

    Assertive behavior is characterized by:
    Standing up for legitimate rights in a way that does not violate rights of others. Emotionally honest, direct, expressive.... [from website]

  • http://www.isis.aust.com/domviolence/webresourses.htm
    There I found some of the best resources because they take a different approach than most American websites (Australian)

  • http://www.tamoore.com/love/charact.htm
    characteristics of a healthy relationship versus abusive, excellent resource for batters and victims

  • http://www.tamoore.com/love/warning.htm
    warning signs-excellent, probably better than many!

  • http://www.tamoore.com/love/tacticsm.htm
    excellent description of the wheel of violence, various spokes

  • http://www.tamoore.com/love/tacticsf.htm
    INCREDIBLE and ONLY resources I have found on the woman's abuse of him. Women who are domineering can batter as well. Disabled men are often abused, and do not even realize it until they have left. But this works well for the non-physical forms of abuse.

  • http://www.tamoore.com/love/think.htm
    EXCELLENT SELF TALK HABITS TO DEVELOP AND THEY HELP COPE!!

  • http://www.tamoore.com/love/timeout.htm
    excellent resource on time-outs! and healthy conflict resolution

  • http://members.aol.com/mogyweb/domestic.htm
    [from website]
    Understanding Domestic Abuse is the first step toward a solution.

    WHAT IS IT? Domestic Abuse is any act or behavior that inflicts or is intended to inflict physical harm. Along with the physical violence there are hurtful words which demean another person as well as threaten with violence.

    Notice that domestic abuse is held together by violence or the threat to violence. The purpose of domestic abuse is power and control. [from website]

  • http://domesticviolence.org/define.html
    [from website]
    Definition
    Domestic violence is a learned pattern of behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other person. The partners may be married or not married...
    Examples of domestic violence are: [from website]

  • http://campus.northpark.edu/uo/handson/domviol/domquiz.html
    domestic violence quiz*...
    [from website]
    1. True/False - A woman is beaten every 7.4 minutes in the U.S.
    2. True/False - When a woman leaves the relationship, the abuse usually ends.
    3. True/False - Pregnant women are generally abused less frequently or less severely.
    (not entire quiz)
    [from website]

  • http://www.uhu.org/forbes/21myths.htm
    Concise, simple, direct info on misperceptions about DV, and "which" women are/get abused.

  • http://www.isis.aust.com/domviolence/webresourses.htm
    sexual and domestic violence, marital rape, a concern not discussed often enough

  • http://www.idph.state.il.us/friend/domviol.htm
    [from website]
    FBI reports indicate that a woman is battered every nine seconds. Domestic violence causes more injuries than rapes, auto accidents, and muggings combined. Experts believe that current statistics underestimate the amount of violence against women in the US.

    Being female is a risk factor for domestic violence. [from website]

  • http://www.mincava.umn.edu/outline.asp
    Minncava, at the U of MN has an excellent page with extensive references of online material. Check it out. It is superb.

  • http://www.womenscenter.uconn.edu/vinfo1.htm
    [from website]
    Many times we only hear about abusive relationships existing in marriage. This is not true; many violent relationships begin when two people are dating.An abusive relationship consists of two people dealingwith the issue of power and control in their relationship.One partner feels the need to be in constant control andwill use physical and mental abuse to obtain this control.Many college women experience these types of abusein their relationships. The Violence Against WomenPrevention Program (VAWPP) educates peopleon this issue and others of violence against women. [from website]

  • http://www.womenscenter.uconn.edu/vinfo2.htm
    [from website]
    Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in our country.(FBI statistics)One out of five college students have reported atleast one incidence of premarital abuse in theirrelationship varying from slapping and hitting tomore life threatening violence. (Domestic ViolencePrevention and) [from website]

  • http://www.womenscenter.uconn.edu/vinfo4.htm
    [from website]
    DO:
    1. Ask questions which will help her recognize what has happened to her and to identify it as abuse.
    2. Support her courage in asking for help, while respecting her limits.
    3. Help her to recognize her partner's excuses for abuse. The abuser may blame alcohol. Tell her even though he/she may have a drinking problem, alcohol doesn't cause the violence. Violence is always a choice made by the abuser.
    4. Relay the message that you are available for nonjudgmental support.
    5. Provide information on dynamics of abuse, typical patterns, and available resources.
    [from website]

  • http://www.womenscenter.uconn.edu/vinfo5.htm
    [from website]
    DON'T
    1. .Assume she wants to end the relationship or that you know what is best for her. This will make her afraid of disappointing you. This kind of intimidation will only reinforce her role as a victim.
    2. Ask her what she did to provoke him. This will only reinforce feelings of self-blame and prevent her from expecting her partner to take responsibility.
    3. Talk to her and and the abuser together. This will make her more fearful of opening up. Don't talk to the abuser at all without her permission.
    [from website]

  • http://www.womenscenter.uconn.edu/vinfo6.htm
    [from website]
    Physical Controls:
    1. Hitting, Grabbing, Kicking, Choking, Pushing
    2. Breaking furniture or Punching walls
    3. Physical intimidation
      Emotional/Verbal Controls:
    1. Criticism, Name calling, Swearing, Mocking, Put downs, Ridiculing
    2. Interrupting, Changing topics, Outshouting, Not listening
    3. Excessive jealousy and Possessiveness
    4. Threatening suicide
    Sexual Controls:
    1. Sexual coercion
    2. Accusations of "sleeping around"
    3. Threats of violence towards her on her friends if she refuses to interact sexually with her partner.
    4. Coerced sexual contact. Prior sexual contact does not mean you do not have the right to refuse future sexual activity.
    Other Warning Signs:
    • Is there a scene if you express an opposite opinion?
    • Are you the butt of humiliating jokes?
    • Are you blamed whenever things go wrong, cursed
    • at, called names?
    • Does your partner have a Jekyl and Hyde personality?
    • Do you "cover" or make excuses for your partners behavior?
    [from website]

  • http://www.global2000.net/evangelist/archive/htm/domviol2.htm
    [from website] 30% of female homicides are done at the hand of their partner 25% of absentees from work are the result of DV [from website]

  • http://www.bu.edu/cohis/violence/helpvctm.htm
    Excellent Table of Information. Click on one and see what they provide in info, and realities

  • http://campus.northpark.edu/uo/handson/domviol/stats.html
    Quick loading page w/vital statistics.

    Note: Things I have gleaned while doing research on this subject More DV than murders! A woman is at more risk of being battered, than she is of being mugged, men do NOT voluntarily go for help, etc 50% of all homeless women are there because of DV. I was ONE OF THEM!

  • http://www.domesticviolence.org/
    reference for the poem _A Woman Died Today_, many other resources, very basic

  • http://www.usda.gov/da/shmd/aware.htm
    Domestic Violence Awareness Workbook Online (via USDA, government, incredible resource)

    Myths-
    [from website] Myth:Family violence is rare...
    • Although statistics on family violence are not precise, it's clear that millions of children, women and even men are abused physically by family members and other intimates. [from website]
    Myth:Family violence is confined to the lower classes...
    [and more from website]
    Also
    The most common response to battering-- "Why doesn't she just leave?"--
    • ignores economic and social realities facing many women. Shelters are often full, and family, friends, and the workplace are frequently less than fully supportive. Faced with rent and utility deposits, day care, health insurance, and other basic expenses, the woman may feel that she cannot support herself and her children. Moreover, in some instances, the woman may be increasing the chance of physical harm or even death if she leaves an abusive spouse.
    [from website

      SPIRITUALITY and Abuse

      http://www.cpsdv.org/
      Only place which includes Sexual Abuse by Clergy right on it's front page. Excellent! And YES it happens even more among evangelical christians because of the shame felt, and message of 'submission' by the wife, and 'control' by the husband.

    1. http://www.cpsdv.org/domestic.htm
      This page covers why religious views may hinder a woman from leaving an abuser.
      [from website]
      The Problem:
      More than 50% of all women will experience violence from intimate partners. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1992) •Wife beating results in more injuries requiring medical treatment than rape, auto accidents, and muggings combined. (Stark, E. and Fliterart, A. "Medical Therapy as Repression: The Case of Battered Women," Health and Medicine. Summer/Fall (1982) 29-32) •30% of women murdered in the US are murdered by their husbands, ex-husbands or boyfriends. (Bureau of Justice Statistics National Crime Victimization Survey, August 1995) [from website]

      General References

      • http://www.asc.upenn.edu/courses/comm462/abuse.htm
        [from website]
        What Do These Neighborhoods Have in Common?
        Domestic Abuse Runs Rampant Through All Of Them.

        And nobody says a word. This makes domestic violence the most underreported crime in the U.S.  In the United States alone, a woman is abused every NINE seconds.  And if you think that you are far removed from this crime, you are DEAD wrong.  Domestic violence exists in EVERY neighborhood, regardless of socioeconomic group, race, or culture.

        Come on. You know what it looks like. You know what it sounds like. Now you know where it is . . . everywhere.  If you see evidence of domestic violence, call police or 1-800-799-SAFE, the domestic violence hotline.
        [from website]

      • http://www.phenomenalwomen.com/help/general.htmiz/013.htm Phenomenal women has many of the same links as we list but also survivor stories and other leads. Loads verrrrrry slowly!
      • http://www.gate.net/~liz/liz/013.htm
        Literary Resources, mainly in print, classic books on the subject DV

      • http://www.dvsheltertour.org/fact.html [from website]
        Domestic Violence is Widespread and more pervasive than we think. [from website]
        excellent list of lists

      • http://www.mincava.umn.edu/
        An absolutely staggering amount of resources for research, self help, references to good programs, words from survivors and children, places to get further training, available internships, all in a well planned table which is easy to access. Well worth a visit.

      • gopher://gopher.cc.columbia.edu:71/00/publications/women/wh54
        simple direct article on dv, also covers alcohol/drugs, basics-slapping hitting hollerin'etc

      • http://www.ndvh.org/ndvh6.html
        Are You Or Is Someone You Know Being Emotionally or Physically Abused?

        The page is simple in layout with questions for the woman herself on one side, and for family members on the other. In my case without those who recognized it in me, it was so insideous that I would not be here today without their help. Thanks Friends!

      • http://www.ndvh.org/ndvh2.html
        Statistics from _How Violent are American Families_ 1990 and other statistical publications, 10 altogether

      • http://www.dvsheltertour.org/fact.html
        Domestic Violence is Widespread

        In 1996, the New York City Police Department received 217,236 emergency calls for family disputes. (NYPD)

        Domestic Violence and Homelessness
        According to a 1988 study of 210 women living in shelters, 42 percent reported they were victims of domestic violence.
        Domestic Violence and Suicide
        Twenty-six percent of female suicide attempts presented to a hospital are preceded by abuse. Fifty percent of black women who attempt suicide are abused. (The Physicians Assistant's Guide)
        Domestic Violence Homicides
        A commission on domestic violence appointed by New York State Governor Pataki found that 57 investigated homicides could have been avoided had police and other authorities provided greater protection to these domestic violence victims. (New York State Commission on DV Fatalities, October 1997)
        DV and Suicide
        Separated or divorced women were 14 times more likely than married women to report having been a victim of violence by a spouse or ex-spouse. Although separated or divorced women comprised 10 percent of all women, they reported 75 percent of the spousal violence. (Female Victims of Violent Crime, 1991)
        DV and MurderBR> In a study of three large homicide samples in Chicago, New South Wales (Australia), and Canada, researchers found that wives are much more likely to be slain by their husbands when separated from them than when co-residing. Wives are particularly at risk in the first two months after leaving. The New South Wales data available for slain wives found that 47 percent were killed within two months and 91 percent within a year of separating. (Violence and Victims, Vol 8)
        Marital Rape
        Spousal rape is often more violent and repetitive than other rape and it is less commonly reported. (H.L. Hampton, New England Journal of Medicine, 4, pp. 234-237. "Care of the Woman who has been Raped," 1995)
        [from website]

      • http://www.ofoinc.org/CI_dom_vio.htm Definition of DV on left side, quiz on right, recognizes the victim not being able to be certain, gives her support

      • http://www.ncpc.org/1safe2dc.htm As many as four million women in this country suffer some kind of violence at the hands of their husbands or boyfriends each year. Very few will tell anyone - a friend, a relative, a neighbor, or the police.
        ---Are You Abused?

        Does the Person You Love...
        *Keep track of all of your time? *Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful? *Discourage your relationships with family and friends? *Prevent you from working or attending school? *Criticize you for little things? *Anger easily when drinking or using other drugs? *Control all finances and force you to account in detail for what you spend? [and more]

        ----Don't Ignore the Problem
        *Talk to someone. Part of the abuser's power comes from secrecy. [website]

        Is this you? Please seek help. We did and are grateful. YOU are Worth it. You are NOT ALONE!



      Copyright November 4, 1999

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